Zabadeebloobla
I have no idea why but I feel paralyzed by the fear of being judged. I can't do anything unless it's perfect or profound or thoughtful or just generally paints me in a good light. Idk whether it's religious trauma and some fear of my actions ringing into eternity or something else that makes me feel like I'm on the brink of being kicked out of some in-group. Ya, this might be something I need to go to therapy for because it's just a feeling that is stuck to me like glue, and it has been for a very long time I feel. Even now I'm starting a timer for 5 minutes to make me stop writing because I know I'll want to wrap this up in some deep poetic way that makes me feel special and worthwhile. I do feel like my dad is a very judgmental person, and a hard one to impress, so it could be something attached to that! Some fear of being unlovable in some way! That's an awesome thought haha, anywayyyyy, I like just writing random thoughts that aren't perfect, I ...